Hello blog! It seems I have been absent although in many ways that is not surprising. It seems that I have been swinging wildly between being present in my life and at the same time being absent -- not as in depressed, although that has probably been the case on occasions. More that I have just been sorting out some things in the hopes of reconnecting with something essential to myself. That has seemed like a slow process.
At the moment I feel fully "back", meaning increasingly settled in myself but not a promise that the blog is back, although I hope it is. I intended to attempt a start-up in January, and although it is not the beginning of the month, it is still January. That is good. There has been a lot of hemming and hawing here, fretting over wanting to write, letting my inner voices argue over whether or not I had anything to say only to find myself back in a place of apathy, where the whole blog thing didn't seem worth the effort.
I had an idea to write about movies, or a particular movie, but the negative arguments won, the voice that says "who cares what I think", which may or may not be true. By the time I resolved the issue the movie in question was weeks behind me and it seemed hardly worth the point. The idea may find its way back up, or not. The only thing I know is that I want this blog to be about whatever is on my mind at the time I am writing it, and that it is an extension of a journal of sorts. I tell myself that I should write polished essays, and I occasionally work on those, but that is NOT what I want this blog to be about. My original idea was for an online journal, really purely for my own reference and entertainment, and then I let the idea get perverted into something else, something I didn't want. I don't really know what I want now but I am willing to let the impulse play out.
So, after this long, and mostly irrelevant introduction, the remainder of this sweater is going to be about sweaters and knitting. Specifically it is about sweaters and knitting and colors, specifically puce and muted wines.
Puce seems to have been the color of the year. I knit two sweaters in the color. In fact the color of neither yarn was called "puce". The color name for the yarn used in the first sweater was "vintage wine". You can see that sweater here.
It is a lacy cropped cotton cardigan, knit in a 4-ply yarn. Technically a summer sweater although I am not likely to wear it in the hottest months. It is a color that has a presence throughout my wardrobe, a few pieces popping up whenever muted wines and roses become fashionable.
I never really thought about the color as puce until I was finishing up this cardigan. Technically I would suppose puce is darker, with a bit more brown. But it struck me that the range of muted brownish purply pinks suite me well, and I am consistently drawn to the range.
Then, in December I felt the urge to knit a warm snuggly sweater and I decided to knit another sweater in an alpaca boucle. Although this wasn't planned, the yarn I ordered falls into the same color range. This time the color is named topaz.
I finished it in early January and have been wearing it steadily throughout the current cold spell. I am not quite sure how my dream of an oversized snuggly sweater morphed into this shorter, slightly more fitted sweater, but it did, and I love it. Even though I do not always like sweaters out of bulky yarns, this sweater has ended up being exactly the sweater I wanted. It is a sweater that sits a the top of the hip, that looks good with a pair of pants, and which has fairly close fitting sleeves that do not get in the way. It is a color that makes me feel warm and happy.
In fact it goes well with my most-frequently worn coat, at least most winters in Knoxville. Seen here with an assortment of reds, all of which are really pinkish or brownish reds.
This photo was taken last winter, when my hair was still permed in an attempt to maintain those post-chemo curls. It is not permed now, and I am wondering if I regret the decision to grow my hair out and stop perming it. I am not thrilled with my hair the moment, but I can always go back. It is just the transitional process that is difficult. Transitional processes are always difficult. That doesn't seem to get easier with age.
Perhaps this blog, like my hair is in transition. Like all transitions it will take time to see what develops. And, in that spirit of transition I am going to toss this out, messy as it is, because once I start editing, doubts will set in, and my words will fall into the bottomless pit, never to reemerge,