I don't know how June has passed so quickly by. It feels almost as if I missed it, or perhaps I just slept through large swaths of it. I am over 1/3 done with chemo, next week I will be half done. What a relief. This particular course seemed easier than the first two, perhaps because I slept more and tried to do less, perhaps just dumb luck. I suspect that my summer and my quest, such as it is, is to realize and find my way through the tunnel of darkness that is the dominant cultural myth of my time and come out on the other side. Or in other words to undo the shackles of the idea that doing more, constant stress, and lack of sleep are the hallmarks of a life well lived.
In fact, I seem to let go of something each week. But I gain things as well. Time spent with friends. The joy of simple meaningful work, work simply to participate and share the benefits of this life, with myself, with the world around me, with friends. Granted my particular bubble is mostly internally focused at the moment, but there are always cycles where we need to look inward, to brush off the accumulated dust of worldly cares and other's expectations.
The garden is progressing along at its own pace. I have scattered a few pictures here and there, much the way they pop up in my life. "Oh, look at this!" I might think. The daylillies are blooming now, the later, larger, hybrids. Still scattered about in temporary holding stations all, except for the one immediately above, which I had planned to move, but which I now think is in its perfect location already. I love the contrast of the flower with the Japanese maple behind. Perhaps the scale of the daylily is off, compared to the maple and the other plants. Perhaps it is exactly that juxtaposition that I find appealing. A reminder that what I imagine the world to be and what it actually wants to become rarely align.
I also managed to finish one sweater, and photograph it. I can probably finish another today, but it will not be photographed today so wait for that in another post.
This is the mixed yarn, multi-striped sweater I am calling Blueberry Season. It is basically an unstructured cardigan as it was knit in the round and split at the armholes. I actually tend to prefer cardigans with seams as the seams add structure, but in this case, given the widely varying weight of the yarns and the mix of colors, it was easier to knit in one piece. The sweater itself is rather slouchy but the sleeves are more closely fitted, which is my own preference. For one thing, I do not like floppy sleeves that get in my way, secondly, having a garment fit across the shoulders to the bust, as well as in the sleeves, adds more than a tiny bit of silhouette to the shape, providing contrast to the loose body. To my eye, it looks less 1980s and more 21st Century. It may be all in my head and not born out in photographs, but if the sleeves and shoulders fit, I feel sleek and modern. Most of style and beauty is in the mind anyway, or it is so superficial as to be ephemeral and ultimately meaningless.
Or so I tell myself.
So this is it right now. I am keeping up. I love to drink my morning coffee with the sunrise. This morning I was watering a few areas that needed extra help following recent heat. I am not allowed to dig at this particular stage of my treatment so any garden progress is pretty much on hold and I am learning to leave the door locked on those inner demons that might try to chime in and make me feel guilty over things not done.
And I will leave you this photo, taken early this morning, in the horizontal light which brightens and blurs everything. Li'l bang coreopsis and Li'l Lyme Hydrangeas. A combination that will bring me joy throughout much of the summer. The hydrangeas are just opening, the coreopsis will move through flushes of rest and bloom, as do we all, reminding us that summer is a time not just of frantic pursuit, of outdoor adventure and accomplishment but also of languor, repose, and retreat.
Happy summer.
