2021 has gotten off to a rather slow start here, at least in my personal socially-distanced bubble, but there are signs everywhere of new life about to burst forward.
I decided to reopen two previous blogs, the knitting blog, PurlsAndMurmurs, which I actually revived in December and the Sewing blog, SewDistracted, which I just started up again this month. My goal is to write at least three blog posts each week, one to each of the three blogs. I think this is possible, and will be good for me (yes this decision is all about me) although there was a period last week where I questioned whether I was being too ambitious. I suppose the question of ambition really depends on my purpose and intention; branching out actually seems to help me focus more on what I need and want these blogs to be, with less angst spent on what some part of my ego thinks they should be. The fact that I need to make progress in order to record progress also serves as a strong motivation to stop equivocating and start doing something, anything.
The blog is a record, a public record yes, but the writing and recording of it has always been as much about my own personal record keeping and the format suits me. Hopefully it brings some benefit to someone else, There are links to both blogs in the side-bar on the right of this post, but I have included them above as well. I have not yet decided about posting Facebook links, but it is a possibility.
I am behind on garden planning, and behind on planting as well. I have been unwilling to dig in the cold, and the somehow the sun has always appeared on days I am heavily burdened with other obligations. It will work out, and although it has been cold and damp, it has not been so cold that the shrubs are in danger in their pots. Again, hopefully simply admitting I am behind will provide adequate motivation.
A new computer arrives this week. This is a necessity as my old one stopped working in July. I couldn’t figure it out and eventually put it aside, which may have been a good thing. I have been working exclusively on my iPad since then, but the things it does not do well are beginning to weigh heavily. I spent much of last week trying to trace out the problem on the Mac and backing up recalcitrant data. At one point it appeared I might get the old computer up and running, but that hope proved short lived. It is possible that, in my oxygen deprived mental state last July I let something in which should have been kept out. No recriminations. Focusing on the computer, and the process of saving and consolidating has overflowed into a new organizational flurry which will continue for the rest of this month and until I get everything up and resorted again.
Amidst this flurry of administrative work, cuddles on the sofa with Poncho has been a necessary part of my winter rest and recovery phase and a necessary part of my own reawakening campaign. If I can’t yet fully get out of the house, I can at least make progress on getting out of “self”. When I adopted Poncho it was all about me. I needed a puppy to cuddle. But apparently at least some deeper part of my psyche realized I needed more, and I fell for this older, ill, disabled dog. I needed to get out of my own head and start relearning how to commune with other living things, to be attuned to their needs and to refine that dance through which taking care of others is also our path to taking care of ourselves.
Poncho is daily growing calmer and more confident. He is less needy and more cuddly and playful. So am I perhaps, certainly more open and more aware. I cry more easily, but I also giggle, dance, and smile. I am more outwardly focused. Last summer and fall took a toll, But, if we allow it, after any descent into darkness (or difficulty) there is a rise into light. Oh how I love metaphor, and ritual, not in and of themselves, but because of the way they refocus our attentions out of the self, away from the way we let the stories we tell ourselves blind us, and into something new. As usual, the more open we become, the more we allow change to blossom, to allow growth, the more we are able to expand, to focus, to be more ourselves.
Until next time...
