I am surrounded by piles. But they are not piles of obligation. I am not stressed. I am simply in a place of reconsideration and rethinking, hence the piles. But I am also find it is perfectly acceptable to leave those piles in place, to release the pressure to address all questions immediately, perfectly acceptable to just do nothing and see what happens. It is perfectly acceptable to sit back and wait, perfectly acceptable to hold on to the thought that I want to do will become perfectly clear in its own time.
I did knit a scarf for my mom. It is a simple infinity loop. I gave it to her yesterday because it was cold and I decided gifts could be given freely, when the time seemed best, rather than waiting for a specific day.
The idea for the scarf was a last minute inspiration. However the finished result was not what I originally intended. Mom is allergic to wool so the yarns are cotton and a cotton rayon blend. The cotton is Cumulus by Juniper Moon, and it is very soft and fluffy. The multi-colored yarn is Alumco by Auracania. It is lovely, but it also proved too slippery for my initial idea. I knitted and frogged, reknitted and frogged again, working through multiple bouts of knitting and ripping before I settled on this very simple idea.
Although there have been moments of temporary frustration, that entire process of starts and stops, of knitting and ripping and trying again, was actually very calming and freeing. I was reminded that sometimes you just have to sit back and wait, sometimes you have to fail and try again, but eventually your efforts pay off. I think in my younger days I was too concerned with production. I was too concerned with the idea that success in life meant accomplishing as much as possible in as little time as possible. I see now that this was an error. Yes it works, but I wonder if that sense of accomplishment is really a false sense of accomplishment. How many potential rewards were cast off because visible results came too slowly?
What if success in the game of life is not about what you have to show for your time, but who your use of time allows you to become?
