The process of sorting continued last week. It is almost finished. Only the coat closet remains. Aside from that small space, I have tried on every piece of clothing I own and everything has been sorted. Things that fit, both physically and psychologically, have gone back into the closet. I've rediscovered some new old favorites, including some hand knits I hadn't managed to give away, and I am usually good at giving things away. There is a small pile of things that need only minor alterations, or which can be reconfigured or reimagined, in a corner of the sewing room. A few alterations have already been made. And there is a bigger pile, still in the living room, of garments that need to find new homes.
I bought two new things. There is a striped mariner-style tee from J Crew, which works perfectly with the shawl I bought in Scotland last fall. I wore them Friday for grandparent's day at Owen's school, and ditched the shawl later, as the afternoon warmed, for a game of bocce.
I also bought a pair of my favorite jeans, J Brand Marias, in deep blue velvet, partially solving my party clothing problem. I haven't worn those yet, but will. I have been much better of late, better about buying only things I will actually wear, better about adding things to my closet that actually play well with other pieces. Getting rid of excess also helps. One of the things I've discovered is that although I don't mind holding on to things for long times, even things I might very rarely wear, I also increasingly become overwhelmed by excess. My closet was too full, and it was mostly full of things that do not fit and/or I do not wear. Those garments have voices, and their voices weighed heavily.
Some mistakes were made. I wore a dress to church on Sunday that was too big. I had only tossed it on briefly, without really looking. On Sunday the deep u-neckline kept shifting, revealing more than I wanted to reveal. Luckily I was also cold and was able to employ my jacket and my shawl. When I got home I took a closer look and realized this dress was never going to work. Aside from the fact that I would need to take 4 or 5 inches out of the bust, I realized that the deep u-shaped neckline was also simply too wide for me. Yes I could add a seam, yes I could recut the garment into something else, but the more I looked at it the more I realized, that much as I had loved that dress, its time was over. We had good times together and it was time to move on. I could use the fabric to make something else, but I didn't love the fabric all that much, and the dress itself would never be the same.
Better to let it all go, to make room for promise and creativity, and to banish the weight of unfulfilled expectation. Better to let go, and to hold onto that which really works. I think that is what the whole Marie Kondo movement is getting at. It is not about being a minimalist if you are not a minimalist, but it is about not selling yourself short, about not accepting something that isn't right or doesn't suit you or make you happy just because of some false sense of expectation and worth. I have sweaters I may only wear once every 3 years in Knoxville, but every time I wear them I am so completely myself I cannot help but be happy. They will not go away until they literally fall apart. I had shirts that looked ok, but weren't right, that filled a role -- that filled the idea of I need x to go with y -- but in which I never really wore, of if I did wear them I never felt comfortable. Those things were not about me, about my life, but about some expectation of what my life should be. Far better to banish expectation for only then can you open yourself to joy.
