Do you ever finding yourself wanting to do more than is possible? Perhaps it is not good, this wanting to do too much; perhaps it is the root of sin, although sin is a word that I think has been misaligned and misused. The pursuit of too-muchness is a kind of gluttony, and of course we call it that, at least when it turns bad: a glutton who eats too much, a person who is a glutton for punishment. But I suspect one can be a glutton in many ways, even in doing too much, even in doing too much in a well-meaning way.
Hmmm. I don't really know where those thoughts came from. Perhaps because I am home from a trip to Texas over the Easter weekend and there is more I want to do this week than is physically possible. Perhaps because I had grand plans for something, where grand plans aren't even really required. Perhaps also because I am realizing that the better part of valor is to sit and look out the window and have another cup of coffee, to consider what is important before plunging in willy-nilly.
So I went to Texas and visited my mom. We didn't go to church on Easter, the first time I've missed since I moved, but that is ok. I think that sometimes you have to let go of rituals, and remember that it is not the specific ritual that is important, but where it points you. Sometimes it is best to let things go. Anyway, we went to brunch. We did some things mom wanted to do and had a good time. I pet sat my brother's dog for a few days while they were between pet sitters. Spring. Easter. They occur at the same time for a reason, as does Passover, when you get right down to it. I'm sure there are other spring renewal rituals. Rest. Repose. Death. Rebirth. Let's not go there.
Sometimes it is good to simply accept that rest is good. That small things are important. Sometimes we need to let go of striving and let the dirt cover us so that we can grow in new ways. This is the thing: I don't believe there are any black and white choices in this world. I believe in good and evil, but I think it is rare that we truly see either one in life as we experience it, and they don't, at least in our lives, spring forth pure and unadulterated. Nothing is ever either/or, dual, or limited to exactly two choices, and even not making choices is a choice. And if we end up heading one way or another, we do so all too often without thinking. By the time we realize the path we are on the choices have been ingrained in our consciousness. Still, we can make a choice. We can choose to change our path, or not.
What I do know, is that there are no situations where the answer is either A or B, and only A or B, at least in life as it is lived, as opposed to theory. If we see only two choices were asking the wrong questions. I believe the answers are often simple but are not always easy. And I believe that good choices never directly hurt other people, either intentionally or accidentally due to callous oversight or self-interest. I also know that I make bad choices every day, usually without even realizing it, but I hope and will continue to hope, that my good choices will outnumber my mistakes, that I can seek rectification and reconciliation, and that kindness and dignity will win the day.
