I realized at some point over the weekend that I started blogging in March and that I had now been writing a blog, although not necessarily this blog, for 10 years. That first blog post was on March 16th, 2005, exactly 10 years and two weeks ago.
I knew nothing about blogging when I started. I hadn't read blogs, didn't know what it was about, but thought it would be a good way to keep track of my scattered thoughts and projects, a personal journal of sorts, only online. And so I began writing Sewdistracted, began as if I was in the middle of a conversation with myself, which indeed I was. On that particular morning I wrote about how I used the kitchen island as a cutting table, and how this allowed for occasional multi-tasking:
"This morning I saw the neatly stacked pattern pieces on the island and thought, "aha! I can do this while I cook breakfast". Luckily George asked for hot cereal, a menu that I can easily work around. I put the water on to boil, traced a couple of pieces, added the cereal and stirred, did more tracing, and so on. By the time the dear wandered down for breakfast everything was stacked back up just as I left it last night and I was putting the cereal on the table. He was none the wiser except for noting that the cereal was a little thicker than usual. Was I distracted or what??"
But in 2005 my mind was fairly compartmentalized, and I could not figure out how to write about sewing and knitting both, so I started another blog: purlsandmurmers, a place where I could write about knitting and the occasional perambulations of my thoughts while knitting.
Those blogs were a refuge in their own way, a place where I could escape from a life that was becoming increasingly fragmented. George's dementia was already quite evident to those who worked with him day in and day out, but unfortunately that was a very small circle consisting merely of myself and his office staff. For the most part he would pull himself together when dealing with others, and we would suffer the brunt of the collapse when he returned to the office or home, and his overtaxed mental muscles would collapse.
It was evident to all of us that this could not continue, that we would not be able to cover for him much longer. But I soldiered on. Protecting George I suppose. Hoping that the world would see, but at the same time not really willing to force the issue because he was struggling so mightily to keep it all together.
In June I started a third blog, Dooney's World, where I wrote about anything non-knitting that crossed my fancy. I kept that blog fairly secret for a while, afraid that people wouldn't like me if they knew my opinions, and at that point in my life I felt that being likeable and anonymous was all I had. As I write this, it makes me cry for that woman, but not with regret. I have no regrets. We each make the best choices we can, and hope that we will end up into the right place in the end.
I wrote those blogs for five years, even as it became evident that I was not sewing or knitting nearly as much as I had in the past, even as it became apparent to me that I could no longer separate my life and my thoughts into neat little boxes, each existing in their own sphere. And so this blog was born.
This is not the anniversary of this blog, but that is not the point. I am here now. The previous blogs still exist in cyberspace, and I maintain links here. They still, surprisingly get visits. At one point I thought I might resurrect them into active life, but I am not so sure. I am not convinced I would still be blogging if all I wrote about was sewing or knitting. I am not convinced that I am a candidate for a themed or branded blog. I like the meandering flow of thoughts, the informality of just throwing something out there, whatever I am thinking on a particular day, as if it were a conversation that wends its way through the ups and downs of life.
