Oh so much time has passed and where have I been? Here and there; everywhere (not really) and nowhere. I've been home from the Hudson Valley for a week and have written nary a word, though not because I haven't had things to say. Hopefully they will come out one of these days.
But I have just been more normal and more settled into myself and, probably at least partly due to that sense of settling, I have resumed the tasks of organizing and nesting and finally abolishing piles and boxes and the general unsettledness that continued to haunt my home. At the same time, I have been making a concerted effort at establishing a routine, and sticking it with it. Unfortunately, much as I want writing this blog to be a part of that routine, and I know it will be, writing can also be a distraction. For example I have been sitting here, pondering what to write, rather than taking my evening walk.
I need to take my evening walk. I will feel better if I do. My trip neatly coincided with a resurgence of my energy and comfort levels, and I realized that I do need to make the effort to walk more. Of course it was easier when I was away, unburdened by obligations, accompanied by charming companions, not to mention beautiful mountain and garden trails. But I still need to walk. And although vacations are lovely, they upset the schedule, a schedule I had barely settled myself into before I went away, a schedule I am struggling to maintain before my next trip. The simple truth is that if I don't maintain a schedule I am not better off, because I am easily distracted and daydreamer. As stated above, I am much more settled into myself, and far less concerned about worrying over whether I live up to anyones expectations, but I also know that there are things that make my life easier. Routine, and the right balance between routine and flexibility, are an important part of maintaining equanimity.
And of course, part of that routine is making time to get out and just walk, or eventually to bike, to stretch, to move. I have trouble motivating myself to exercise, but once I get started I love the way it makes me feel. Even more than the movement itself, I love the feeling of energy and uplifted spirits, an almost boyant calmness, that follows movement. If recovery from surgery has taught me anything it is that no matter how tired I am, no matter how stiff or sore I am, movement is always better than non-movement. The amount of movement may be determined by pain or exhaustion, but even small amounts of movement help. Giving in to pain and slothfulness only begets more pain and slothfulness; movement lights up the body the way a smile lights up the soul.
I am posting photos of the small, under cared-for crape myrtle in my front yard because the blooms greeted me when I returned home from New York. Until this summer I didn't even know this tiny tree was a crape myrtle. The characteristic bark began to appear about the same time as the tiny flower buds.
I've wanted a crape myrtle since I moved into this house. I've been jealous every summer that everyone else had one and I didn't. Even the house built after mine has beautiful crape myrtles. Pehaps it is because they were planted later in the year, not in January. Perhaps their front planting beds aren't mere piles of clay like mine. For whatever reason, my crape myrtle was a slower starter. But being a slow starter is not such a bad thing in the long run. Like the blooms on my crape myrtle, my words will return as soon as as I get my roots a little more settled.
I'm not going to say I won't post while I am shifting and redoing and generally overdoing things. I'm not going to say I won't write while I am travelling. I merely expect that I may continue to be a bit erratic, but that, in time, I will settle in. Routine and words will return.
