Sometimes something happens, nothing really, just a small thing, but your world seems different. If you are lucky your world seems brighter. More likely it feels like everything is crashing down around you. You are upset. You may put on a brave face. But then, unexpectedly, when you find yourself alone, you cry.
Somewhere in there you see that nothing has really changed. The world goes on just as it did before. Dinner still needs to be made. Dishes need to be washed. Teeth must be brushed. Pretty toenails still make you smile. All that has changed is your perception. Maybe there were just some things you didn't want to see. We all live with our illusions. We all live with expectation. It is easy to think that if we do all the right things it will all work out in the end. Our expectations and illusions are like a mirror, showing us the world only as it reflects our own thoughts and assumptions. Sometimes the mirror needs to be shattered.
Last week was not such a good week. I'm not ready to discuss it, but it is there, that paradigm shift. Truthfully nothing is new, I was just forced to look at things differently. I did not take it particularly well. We humans are fallible that way sometimes. And yet it is possible that being forced to see things differently is actually good. Perhaps seeing how things are rather than how you want them to be is also good.
Objectively I would have to say that things are better this week than they were last week, and the changes made were all for the good. That doesn't belittle the process, make it less painful, or make it easier to accept. Finding the path to acceptance seems to be one of the harder lessons of life.
I'm still working on that one.
