I love perusing the fashion magazines although I can't for the most part say that I actually read them. More likely I pore over the pages, studying the photos, looking at trends, seeking out individual items I like but mostly looking at colors and shapes and details that inspire me.
But the truth is that although I might buy new pieces, or make things based on trends, I don't actually think about being current or fashionable when I dress. I like to hope that my appearance is not completely at odds with my environment or what is current. I buy new things, but if I love them and love wearing them, which are not necessarily the same thing, I will wear them long past their "wear by" date. And when it comes to sewing, well all bets are off. I sew what I want to wear when I sew it. The same is true for knitting. And although my choices are undoubtedly shaped by what I read and see around me, I don't usually start a project thinking that I want to knock-off or create a certain look copied from what I see in magazines or on the street.
This hasn't always been true. When I was young I did knock off particular looks. And I still keep files on things I like and how they are made, but I worry less about how close I am to the original. Perhaps I just worry less about what other people think, which should, I would hope, be a normal part of aging. I don't have to dress for work, although it took me a long long time to banish work-related clothing from my wardrobe, probably as long as it took me to stop defining myself by what I did versus who I am.
So there we have it. Dressing for who I am. Who I am now. Well, I still mess up a lot and don't always get it right, meaning I don't get it right for me. I am still evolving. Hopefully we are all still evolving. But getting it right means wearing something comfortable, something in which I feel confident, and appropriate. I don't want to look the crazy old lady that everyone stares at the grocery store because she has too much makeup and looks like a clown. Nor do I want to look like that middle aged lady who has pursued youth at any cost, and usually the costs are great and are apparent to everyone except the person who has staked her all on the pursuit of eternal youth. Some days I don't mind standing out but I also have days where I just want to be a member of the chorus.
So what do I have? I am a tall-ish middle aged woman who remains a little heavier than she would like in a world obsessed with thinness, but who also recognizes that her body might be telling her that this is where it wants to be now. My thighs are thicker than I would like, as are my arms. But this has always been true, even in my teens and twenties, so I might as well embrace them. My almost 53-year old middle is thicker than it used to be, my chin is rapidly becoming one with my neck, and arthritis has made my knuckles thicker and knobbier. It could be worse. I won't deny that there are days it feels worse to me than others, but generally, if this is the price of being 53, I can live with it.
And I can still dress the way I want. I just can't necessarily dress the way I did in my 20s, or 30s or 40s. And I'm okay with that. I don't want to be who I was in my 20s and I don't want to dress the way I did then either. I am beginning to learn to just let it be. I am just beginning to let myself wear what works and feels comfortable to me in the life I lead without worry. If I turn off those inner voices filled with regret and shame and rules and conventions, I can still pretty much tell if something works or doesn't, if it works for my view of myself.
Which finally gets me round to the picture above and what I am wearing. We took the scenic route today, the route through a mountain of verbiage that just wouldn't get out of the way.
This outfit mostly works for me. The shoes are new, purchased on sale. I am not one to only shop sales as I tend to wear popular sizes, but these olive sandals just kind of fell into my lap. My previous pair of olive sandals were 5 years old, or older, and were falling apart. Like the originals these have this kind of modified wedge heel which is very comfortable, although the new ones are taller, nearly 4 inches whereas the originals were 3, and they have a buckled ankle strap. I love ankle straps even though my legs are somewhat short for my height. Of course with pants it doesn't matter, and the 4 inch heel lengthens the leg very effectively. I've worn the shoes three or four times, for most of the day, and my feet are only tired, but not sore, after 8 or 9 hours.
The pants are old, I don't know how old. I bought them years ago from Athleta. They were a couple of inches longer than the catalog said they would be, and I wanted to wear them with gym shoes to work out and wear to and from the gym. I didn't want to gather them at the ankle, I thought that looked silly, and it probably would look silly if they were gathered at the ankle. For some reason I did not send them back. And I did not think of wearing them as a casual pant with heels. I was still defining myself by my work clothes back then. I put them in a pile to be shortened, and by the time I got around to them I was to fat to wear them. I don't do that kind of thing anymore. If I don't wear something right away it goes back or gets passed on. I put the pants in a box labeled try again at XXX pounds. I found the box in the top of a closet last week. I am at XXX pounds. Everything in the box was too big, some things were so large they were comical. Only these pants fit. And now I love them. I love them with heels. I don't actually wear them with the legs straight, although they are nice enough, but I love them with the gathers around the base of my heel. They are light and cool and airy and I feel like skipping when I wear them. At 53, clothes that make you feel like skipping should be embraced.
The rest of the outfit is nothing special. The tee is nice. It would be nicer if the arm were cut in a little more, baring more of the shoulder, but I love the color and the neckline. I could open up the armhole, but I probably won't get to it before the season is over. The necklace is very nice, green amethyst on a gold chain, and the color works well, but it is a tad to delicate for the outfit. I bought the necklace to go with a delicate dress (the Stella McCartney) with which it is perfect. I didn't have anything I liked better with this outfit so I wore it.
But the necklace is important because it fills a gap. So many of my pieces are statement pieces, and I don't have many pieces I can wear inside a neckline. There is a lot of real estate from my chin to my bustline and dainty pendants and chains tend to look lost. With this piece I am finally recognizing the possibilities of layering necklaces, and of delicate pieces. Perhaps that is also because I am wandering back to shirts and blouses instead of tees, but that is a subject for another post. The day I wore this outfit I took G to our favorite jeweler so he could pick out a birthday present for me. While he was working on that task, I looked at other, similar, chains, playing with colors and lengths and the possibilities of layering necklaces. To my surprise I really liked the look, and I would have never tried it were it not for that Stella McCartney dress.
As I said before, hopefully we are always evolving.
(click on photo to enlarge)
