Sometimes life catches me by surprise and takes my breath away. This photo doesn't capture the glory of the light on the Hudson River yesterday morning, but it is close enough.
Saturday had been cold, dreary and rainy, a day befitting my mood which was sad, depressed and lonely. Sunday filled me with joy and accomplishment and refilled my reserves and reminded me of all the good things, the things I have accomplished, the things I love about where I live.
I have no regrets about the decisions I have made; they have been the right decisions for me and the people I love. But accepting a course of action, even knowing it is the right thing to do, does not necessarily always make actually living with the consequences of the decision easy. Sometimes the weight of responsibility, of the choices I have made, seems like a burden to heavy to bear and despair overtakes me. All I want is my house back. All I want is my life back.
But this is my life. These are my choices. And I knew what I was doing even if I didn't fully appreciate the repurcussions. I suspect that this is a necessary state, this not fully understanding what we are getting ourselves into until after we have jumped in feet first. Otherwise why even get out of bed in the morning?
But then, if I hadn't gotten out of bed I wouldn't have seen the sun on the Hudson.
And I am lucky to have friends who support me and support me when the dark winds blow and when the sun shines through, who know that these moments are just wisps and hold my hands as I walk through the fog.
