To tell the truth, I never intended to be absent so long, and I hope to be able to maintain a more stable schedule now that G has been transferred to a rehab facility.
You see, he has been in the hospital since last Wednesday and I have been tired, worried, hopeful, sad, tired, frantic, angry, busy, and, did I say tired? I have meant to write but I come home exhausted both mentally and physically. I try to sleep but I only sleep a few hours and then wake up worrying about everything: What will happen? What do I need to do? When will G come home? Will G come home? What will he need? Am I doing the right things?
G used to be the one who would lay awake at night worrying, while I slept sweetly beside him. Now it seems that this house requires a worrier, and in his absence I have assumed the mantle. I am hoping that now that he is in rehab, things will be calmer and more stable, and perhaps I shall worry a little less, or at least that I shall worry a little less under cover of darkness.
It has been cold and windy here and yesterday my car was due to go into the shop and G was scheduled for possible transfer so my cushy life of driving my car from my warm garage to the hospital garage where I could walk through the indoor walkway to the hospital without being outside for more than a few feet was about to come to an end.
It was time for a coat. This one was chosen by G a few weeks ago, when we were out shopping for other things and he was his old bright charming self. It shall remain nameless as it has no tags, but is warm filled nylon with a rabbit collar. I wore it with the Elm skirt which I purchased last spring and Brian Atwood boots, purchased from Yoox a few seasons back. I was hoping the coat with its strong positive G-vibe would be a good luck charm, and, feeling in need of positive reinforcement, I also chose these oxidized silver earrings by Annette Ferdinandsen which G gave me for my birthday two years ago, even though they were a bit light for the gusts of wind and were beating about my face whenever I was outdoors.
Underneath the coat I wore a gray rayon jersey draped top I made a few years back using the Hot Patterns Weekender Renaissance Tops pattern.
The nice thing about being bone tired is that apparently I am far less inhibited in front of the self-timer on the camera. My stiff reserve has been beaten under the table and my more uninhibited silly side has been allowed to sneak out. I know G would like the first photo better, but I am rather fond of this one, as it captures my more spontaneous ridiculous side. I'm going to hang on to it to remind myself of the importance of being silly no matter what else is going on in life.
