Welcome to my desk this January morning!
The coffee mug was a Christmas gift, chosen for me by my 10-year old grandson, and hence precious. I've been using it daily, thinking of him and the marvelous time he is having in Tucson visiting his Aunt and Uncle, and his Great-Aunt, my sister-in-law, with his family. I was supposed to be there as well, but instead I am here, still congested, racked with intermittent coughing fits, and generally slow and plodding in my demeanor. On the plus side, my voice sounds almost like my own again, and I was thrilled to hear the glowing reports of his visit from my grandson on our phone call last night. That is what it is all about after all: family, togetherness, good times, joy. I don't actually have to be there to appreciate the goodness of the experience.
I spent a good part of last year being rocked about in what I tend to call "the shallows". It was a time in which I did in fact feel somewhat unsettled and buffeted about. This was not due to doing too much or too little, although at times both doing and not doing provided diversions from the real task at hand. Beginning in mid June, I lost touch with that deeper spiritual and emotional center, and although I realized that I had lost my mooring, I struggled with how to reattach it. I knew the trigger, but I didn't know the answer. The truth was that I was looking for the answer in all the wrong places. I can't say that I was actually depressed, as I was active and engaged, but I was floundering, and that deep inner center of calm, focus, and intentionality was lacking.
Usually trips through the shallows mean that there is some deeply held assumption about myself or the world that needs to be relinquished, some belief about myself, some default setting perhaps, that is no longer functioning and needs to be jettisoned to the world. What makes it difficult, and indeed what makes the shallows the shallows, is that it is a rocky process, filled with bumps and hidden eddies, and usually the very thing that needs to be abandoned is so well hidden that it takes considerable knocking about before it shows itself as the critical piece.
Sometimes in December I found myself heading into the deep waters again and shortly after reconnecting with that sense of well-being, some changes began to fall in place. They are still evolving, and will be evolving over the course of this year, to be revealed in time. If you are still with me after my absence and my various inconsistencies, I thank you and I hope you will continue to join me on the journey.