Goodbye Summer

The pool was closed on Friday.  Even though I love Autumn more than I love Summer, it is always sad. 

It was a warm sunny day, almost as if the weather was chiding us for giving up so early.  What, there was only a week of cool weather, it seemed to be saying.  Did you give up so easily?  Now that the pool is closed the days have been sunny and warm.  It is supposed to be in the 80's by mid week.  I might miss that cool blue water.

I actually don't look forward to the warm days.  I love the crisp mornings, the thick fog rising off the Hudson, the warmth of the afternoon sun combined with a touch of a cool breeze and chill in the shade. I love the cool days, the sweaters and the boots, the fall colors.  Fall always seems like a new beginning to me, more so that in January.

This year closing the pool marks  a mental transition for me as well.  With the closing of the pool I am saying farewell to the responsibilities of summer, and the self-imposed guilt that goes along with all the things that did not get done.  Now I can just close my mental book of all the things I haven't done, haven't managed well, I can close my book of failures.  Next year will be different.  Now I can release the stresses and pressures that have been building up, and prepare myself to move on.

I am painting the deck, slowly, but making progress.  I am going to the gym again even though at this point I am more tired from the extra effort than energized.  I am determined to control my levels of stress.  There is much in life that I cannot control.  But I can control how I define my place in all of this, how I define what I should be or do, how I react.  I can control my reactions.    

Goodbye pool.  Goodbye Summer.  I am sure there will blips along the way.  But the past is just that, past.

Comments

[Carole]

It sounds like you are way too hard on yourself. Repeat after me: "manyana, manyana". (No tildes available.) :)

[Karen Tootle]

I just found this thread and have read the whole thing. I knew you were fighting some serious issues, from your other blogs, but now I see the extent of what you are dealing with. Heartbreaking, but also heartening to see how you adapt and manage. Just wanted to say I am in your corner. K